5 Ways to Take Control of Your Emotional State

Enhancing the quality of your life and achieving a sense of fulfillment is a goal that most people strive for. However, we often become trapped in limiting beliefs and emotional patterns that prevent us from reaching our full potential. We can become stuck in feelings of frustration, worry, sadness, or overwhelm, which can prevent us from experiencing true happiness.

While we cannot control the events that occur in our lives, we can learn how to master our emotional reactions to them. Stressful situations are bound to occur, but it’s how we respond to them that determines whether we succeed in achieving our goals or allow obstacles to hold us back.

Reframe Your Perspective

It’s easy to take charge of your emotions when things are going well. However, when something terrible happens, such as losing your job or a loved one, it can be challenging to maintain control. Tony Robbins explains that “Stress. Anger. Sadness. These feelings don’t come from the facts. They come from the meaning that we give the facts.”

While terrible events are undoubtedly real, how we allow them to shape our lives is up to us. Will we let them knock us down, or will we use them to empower and enlighten ourselves as we move forward? Will we allow ourselves to feel constantly stressed and angry, or will we learn how to take control of our emotions?

The meaning that we assign to our experiences is what shapes our perspectives. Tony also poses the question, “What if everything in your life, including the most painful and traumatic events, was happening for you, not to you?” When we adopt a new meaning, we can gain a fresh perspective and a new lease on life.

Rewrite Your Life Story

We unconsciously assign meaning to the events and experiences in our lives, shaping our beliefs about the world around us. These beliefs impact our relationships, career aspirations, and more. However, our beliefs are often based on emotions rather than facts. When we take charge of our emotions, we can rewrite the “facts” that make up our life story.

For example, during a downturn in the economy, one person might interpret it as, “I’m going to be broke.” Another person might think, “This means I need to work harder and be more creative about saving money.” These different interpretations will lead to very different approaches to life and emotions experienced.

Similarly, consider a woman who was adopted as a baby. She might choose to devalue herself and believe that she wasn’t good enough to be loved because she was adopted. Alternatively, she could take the perspective that someone chose her and chose to love her. The decision she makes about the story she tells herself about her life will significantly impact her daily decisions and her overall well-being.

The former story creates a sense of loss, while the latter celebrates her life and worth. When we learn how to take control of our emotions and rewrite our life stories, it can transform our lives because the decisions that shape us are the decisions about the meanings we assign, and those meanings directly impact our emotions.

Transform Expectations Into Gratitude 

If you find yourself familiar with the disempowering story, you’re not alone. We often indulge in narratives that bring us misery instead of joy. We consistently subject ourselves to feelings of sadness, worry, anxiety, shame, guilt, fear, and rage. Why? Because our brains are wired that way. Naturally, our brains struggle to prevent emotions from dictating our lives. However, we have the power to teach our brains otherwise.

The human mind is wired to anticipate losses, scarcity, and unattainable desires. It may seem counterintuitive, but this instinct is rooted in survival and self-protection. It’s crucial for you to consciously take control of the stories you tell yourself and the resulting emotions you experience.

To regain control of your emotions, exchange your expectations for appreciation. In that moment, your entire life will change. And if you consistently practice this mindset, your life will be forever transformed.

Let’s revisit the story of the adopted woman. Initially, she expected her biological parents to keep her, and this expectation could have colored her entire life. However, if she shifted her expectations to gratitude that someone consciously chose and loved her, without any obligation or biological imperative, her entire life would undergo a profound shift. This exemplifies the power of trading expectations for appreciation.

Cultivate Sel-Awareness 

Without knowing your emotions, you cannot learn how to remain in control of them. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize, identify, and evaluate your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Some individuals go through life lacking self-awareness, while others are acutely self-aware. Many of us fall somewhere in between, not as self-aware as we perceive ourselves to be.

Consider the example of the adopted woman. Without self-awareness, she might navigate her relationships blindly, wondering why she struggles to receive love. Through self-awareness, she would connect her relationship experiences to her fear of rejection. She would realize that she must first love herself before fostering healthy relationships. Her ability to change perspectives and rewrite her life story hinges on recognizing her emotions and linking them to her past. That’s self-awareness.

If you struggle to take charge of your emotions, employ strategies like self-reflection, journaling, meditation, and seeking new perspectives to develop your emotional awareness. Through these practices, you can cultivate emotional intelligence—the ability to perceive others’ emotions while expressing your own constructively.

Embrace Responsibility 

Ultimately, the decision to take control of your emotions rests with you. Choose not to be governed by fear and anger any longer. Determine where to direct your focus. What story will guide your life? You have the power to assign meaning. Make a commitment to that meaning. In this very moment, this is the one power you possess that can alter everything.

The only obstacle standing between you and your desires is yourself. The disempowering story you continue to tell yourself is the sole barrier keeping you from the joy you deserve. What if you decided right now to adopt a new core belief? What if every event in your life, even the most painful and traumatic, was happening for you, not to you? What if everything was intentionally designed to lead you to a more fulfilling life, where you have more to offer and enjoy?

As emphasizes, “True freedom comes when you choose not to let external circumstances dictate your emotional experience.” You can only attain this freedom by mastering how to remain in control of your emotions and finding empowering meaning in every situation life presents you.